Ordinary 28 C – October 13, 2019

Luke 17:11-19

The pastor was getting down over the results of his efforts for the Kingdom of God. The building was leaking again, attendance was down, the offering collection was just not enough, and he was hearing complaints. He opened a letter he’d just received that morning from his mom. As he opened it a twenty-dollar bill fell out. He thought to himself, Thanks, Mom, I sure needed that right now.
As he finished his meal, he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post. Thinking that the poor man could probably use the twenty dollars more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and wrote across the top in large letters, PERSEVERE!
So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and smiled.
The next day, as the pastor enjoyed his meal, the same man tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills.
Surprised, the young pastor asked him what that was for.
The man replied, “This is your half of the winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday and paid thirty to one.”

As I slowly unfold into my new life, I find myself most frequently in a small community church that is very much the center of what is sometimes called a NORC (naturally occurring retirement community.) If this is true of the community as a whole, it is also true in most churches in the United States. Our children are not here in ever-increasing numbers.

So, our little church in our little community is asking the same question that we preachers ask ourselves, almost every Sunday: what is worship?

Martin Luther answered this question with: the tenth leper turning back. It is an answer worth considering.

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.

She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that her the fever was getting worse. She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said, “Sure”. He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”

Have a great and true worship – Laurin

 

Ordinary 27 C – October 6, 2019

Luke 17:5-10, Psalm 137

If you had faith the size of a mustard seed…It begins so nicely, we smile and begin to imagine a great sermon that just rolls off our fingers to the screen in front of us. If we could just stop right there.

So what reassuring word do we find in our Psalm? Happy shall they be who take your little ones and dash them against the rock!

Here is a new word to describe this week in lectionary. The word is paraprosdokian

• War does not determine who is right — only who is left.
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Life is often paradrosdokian. I got some really good, really late, advice recently. If you have some things that you really need to get done, do them when you have time: before your retire!

And something longer, if you need it:

Moshe was nearing death. He was extremely old, and he had seen much suffering during his days. Golda, his wife, sat on the edge of his bed and wiped his forehead. They had been married for more than 70 years. Moshe looked at his wife and said, “Golda, do you remember the horrible pogrom/the devastation in our village in 1905?” She replied, “Of course I do. I was right there with you.” “Do you remember when the Communists beat me up in 1918? Were you with me then?” Golda answered, “Certainly I was with you.” “Were you with me in the Lemberg ghetto?” “Yes, dear, I have always been with you.” Moshe lay silently for a few moments and then looked at his wife and said, “Boy, Golda, you’ve been bad luck for me.”

Have a great week, sincerely, no punch line! – Laurin

Ordinary 26 C – September 29, 2019

Luke 16:19-31

_{There were 2 business partners, who were a little shady. They died and went to hell…. The one was miserable, with feet in boiling water and flames about his head. But he knew that it would be even worse for his partner. But when he looked out,  there was his partner, and being served tea by a butler in tails. So when Satan was making his rounds, he pointed at them and asked why.
And Satan responded, Who are you to judge the butler’s punishment?}

Ok. I changed the joke. Rather than the butler in tails, the original joke was a beautiful woman in a red dress sitting on the shady business man’s lap. It seems too offensive. Perhaps, you would prefer a politician, a lawyer, a stock broker. It does not matter, except that however we tell it, it probably should not be a person who represents the least of these. And, it just won’t do to tell the story so that it strikes too close to home. You may actually have a politician, lawyer, or broker sitting in the pew who will be offended. You may actually rely on these to pay for the budget, your budget. And the parable will already have many on edge. So, to misquote a line from the Matrix: if you like the woman in the red dress, I can help.

Chapter 16 is about money. Indeed, much of Luke-Acts is about money. BUT, both the ministry of Jesus and the burgeoning church are reliant on the generosity of people with possessions. There is a message here that needs to be heard, but I do not think that in the kingdom to come, the Lazaruses of the world will be waited upon hand and foot by the those who have possessions in the present age. As the great divide between us becomes set, the intolerant mindset pervades both sides.

_{Respected baseball umpire Bill Klem weighed more than 300 pounds. He was also flamboyant.  He invented the chest protector. Whenever he was behind the plate, he maintained control. Few dared challenge his calls.  But in one game things got out of hand. At the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied, with two outs and a runner on third. The pitcher hung a curve ball over the plate. The batter hit a shallow single just over the third baseman’s head. The left-fielder raced toward the ball, scooped it up, and made a one-bounce throw to home plate. The runner and the catcher collided at home plate in a cloud of dust. The players poured out of the dugouts screaming, “He’s safe!” and others yelling “He’s out!” Amid the confusion, Bill threw off his mask, held up his two massive arms, and shouted, “He ain’t nothin’ ’til I say he’s something!”}

Have a great week – Laurin

Ordinary 25 C – September 22, 2019

Luke 16:1-13

Chester and Lester opened a butcher shop and prospered. Then an evangelist came to town, and Chester’s wife persuaded him to go, and he was saved. He tried to persuade his partner to accept salvation also, but to no avail. “Why won’t you, Lester?” asked the born-again fellow.

“Listen, Chester,” the other butcher said. “If I get religion, too, who’s going to weigh the meat?”

This is a hard one! The passage seems to praise dishonesty, and worse. If you do your own translation, Jesus seems to praise dishonesty. Or did you translate o kurios as his master?

And how do you connect the change at the end, and where does the change begin?

I have played with this as an example of Jesus making a joke of the situation. Yes, sarcasm. I change my voice in verse 8. This may not work for you, and I am not sure that it worked for my congregation, but it begins to make sense.

A rancher asked a veterinarian for some free advice. “I have a horse,” he said, “that walks normally sometimes and limps sometimes. What shall I do?” The veterinarian replied, “The next time he walks normally, sell him.”

Have a great week – Laurin

Ordinary 24 C – September 15, 2019

Luke 15:1-10

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.  He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello?”

Feeling a bit put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, “Is your daddy home?”

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

 “May I talk with him?” the man asked.

 To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”

 Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your mommy there?”

 “Yes,” came the answer.

 “May I talk with her?”

 Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

 Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

 “Is there any one there besides you?” the boss asked the child.

 “Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”

 Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

 “No, he is busy,” whispered the child.

 “Busy doing what?” asked the boss.

 “Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman,” came the whispered answer.

 Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like ahelicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked,  What is that noise?”

 “A hello-copper,” answered the whispering voice.

 “What is going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed.

 In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper!”

 Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the bossasked, “The search team?! Why are they there?”

 Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, “They are looking for me!”

Every museum and school has one. The nursery school down the hall in the church I served had one.  It is a “lost and found box.” The child doesn’t know something is lost until the next time it rains.

At our house, we have something different, a sock basket.

The odd thing about the sock basket is that it does not represent socks that are lost, but rather socks who are incomplete without their mates.

I always liked the readings for this week: two short parables that precede the parable about the man who had two lost sons. To my mind that serve as a powerful corrective against making a big deal over the returnung son’s repentance. Or we can define repentance as “going home,” which I like.

I end with a “mother-in-law” j0ke. Feel free to change the roles, if you want to use it.

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you.”
Mom said, “No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you!!

Have a great week. – Laurin